Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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