thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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