Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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