You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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