toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize