I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
