why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
