Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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