take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
