Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Actions speak louder than pants.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
