I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
