i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
