yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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