dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to cum in my sink.
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