Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
