you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
