don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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