The maid of honor just puked.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
