Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
