If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
