I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
