I accidentally had phone sex last night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
