My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
