My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Pooping to opera.
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