Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
