I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
