They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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