Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
