dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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