If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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