Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
