Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
