So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
