Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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