I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
