I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
