So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
