Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
