Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
