best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
