STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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