Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
