In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
