never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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