how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
