filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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