Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize