I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
