Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you had me at cake vodka
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize