I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
