MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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