batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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