hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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