Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
