I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize