You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
