I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
