WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
