So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
These tits shall not be calmed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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