im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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