Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
