In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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