i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
