Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
