i need an iv and a liver transplant
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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