You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
