Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
