Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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