she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize