you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
