I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
