I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
