Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
