I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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