I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize