i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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